gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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