I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
