There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
