is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
