TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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