it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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