please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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