just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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