Sry I called you an 8
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
