So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
