I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
