Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
