And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wear drunk well.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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