i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
