Everything about him screamed your future.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
