The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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