I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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