pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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