you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
