He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
