That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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