the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
