I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
