I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
