i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
