We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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