i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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