whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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