I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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