Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize