Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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