Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
