her facebook's as public as her vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
