i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize