Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
