she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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