my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
