so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
