At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
