roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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