We're facebook friends in real life
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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