I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
