where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize