Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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