so that wasnt chicken after all
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
