I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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