Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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