When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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