Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
