nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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