Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
did i just pee glitter
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
