i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize