i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
