just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
