We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
