when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
