Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
