they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
