Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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