do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
why is half of my head shaved?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
