I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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