I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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