umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
