NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
