Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
