The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
