Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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