Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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