fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mom said you looked used
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
