ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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