He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
