he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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