She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I stole a fireplace last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
is that a dick in a sweater?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
