We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
