So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
