What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
