At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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