Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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