Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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