3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
