I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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