at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok first of all what the fuck
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
