So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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