Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
