The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
