i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
