i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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