I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize