SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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