First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
