I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
