My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
