He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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