I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
