dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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