Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
