someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
