he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize