i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
