Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
