Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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