Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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