No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's always time for handjobs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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