After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
