ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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