I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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