Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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