I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize