i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
