Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
