So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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