just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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