pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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